User Profile

Well, I'm not very good at talking about myself but here I go anyways.

My name is Amanda, most people I know call me mandy, or panda. I'm twenty five and I'm a gemini.

I'm really interested in astrology and fortune telling, the occult, and spellcraft. I love to read, it's my favorite thing to do. Especially since it's silent which makes it easy to do while my daughter is sleeping. I like to write. I mostly write poetry... I don't know if I'll ever let anyone read it though. I like movies, but not overly violent ones.

My daughter is three years old and I call her my fuzz mop or mop for short because she was born with a full head of curly hair. She is bi-racial. Her father is black. I'm a simple euro-mutt. She has honey hazel eyes. Just like her fathers. Sometimes though it's hard to look at her, because I see so much of him in her, especially now that she's been talking and walking and developing her personality. She has a lot of his manorisms even though he hasn't seen her since she was seven months old.

I know some of you don't care to hear it but rather then get a lot of questions about it I'm going to just explain it here. When I was twenty-two I was dating the man I knew I would love forever. I thought we would one day get married and have children and build a family that neither of us really ever had. His name was Dyllan, he was going to the university of wisconsin and I had known him since about the second grade, we were never really friends. He was a jock and I hung out with the shy outcasty types. And then i ran into him on his summer break from school. We spent every day of his summer vacation getting to know eachother and things like that. I found out some things about him I didn't know, Some I didn't like...b ut most of it just made me fall in love with him. Well we lasted for a year long distance. It was hard and we argued a lot sometimes and sometimes it felt like he really didn't care. But then he came home again for summer break, we were inseprible. But then, I got pregnant, I thought that because of the reputation he had, and the fact that two or three other girls had told me they had children by him, that he was going to freak out right then and there. So i hid it for four months. And when I told him, he was suprisingly delighted, he made plans to move us out to madison so I could live with him while he finished his schooling. I was going to move out there during his christmas break of the next year. I thought I finally had everything I wanted. Until it came time fr me to move out there. I did, and I lived with him happily for about three months. Just before summer that year he started going out all the time and never being home. I was getting closer and closer to my due date and as I got bigger he got more distant. Iwas sure it was because I was getting too fat. I wasn't, I had only gained about twenty pounds and...that's not abnormal. But I'd never been pregnant before and my mother and I don't have the sort of relationship where I could just call and ask her about what's normal. So I suffered alone. I had my baby, and we were one small, struggling, but happy family. Then one night I get a call from one of his friends. His friend said I needed to open my eyes, that he was being unfaithufl and the only reason said friend was telling me was because he felt like I was a beautiful person and I diserved to be respected and so on and so forth. He told me he was really sorry that he hadn't said something when it started and that it was getting out of hand now. The girl was obsessive about him and apparently stalking him. His friend toldme that she had just recently found out about me and my lil mop and she made a scene about it. He told me that she tricked him into getting her pregnant. and she was talking about tracking me down (somehow the bitch didn't know where he lived!) Anyways I was hysterically crying when Dyllan came through our door smelling like sour liquor. He tried to comfort me, and I was too hysterical to tell him what was wrong yet,b ut I slowly pulled myself togather. We argued, he moved out the next morning,into her house. Leaving me and my baby alone...with no source of income. I didn't know what to do. I paniced and in an act of desperation I called my father (another member of my family I don't really get along with.) I told him everything that had happened and rather then shunning me like I was sure he would... he came and got me and my fuzz mop and moved us back to Comstock. I've been living in my fathers home since. I rent a large room in the attic, it's bigger then the one I had in this house when I was younger. I am going to school to become an RN, it's hard but rewarding at the same time. I don't have many friends and I haven't had a boyfriend since Dyllan, I'm abstinant and most of my spare time is spent with my daughter. Dyllan married that other woman, just after he saw his daughter for the last time, when she was seven months old. I can't stand the thought... I still love him and I don't know if I will ever get over it. I don't think I will. It's been three fucking years since this all happened and still I'm not over it. I still love him...I still want him back. It makes me feel so stupid n' hopeless...God I wish someone could save me.

Friends (9):

Friend of (6):